SIGNS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN A RELATIONSHIP(especially first timers)

Having gone through many lacklustre relationships and knowingly spent years of my life in ill-fitting pairings, this is a list that I wish I had been able to read when I was a teenager.

So if you want to save yourself time, heartbreak, and energy, and have a helpful checklist to refer to that will help you find your significant other that much faster, read on. Who knows? You might even see some of your own behaviours in this list.

Here are twenty red flags to watch out for in your intimate relationships.

1. How They Talk About Their Exes

If the only thing they have to say about their exes is negative, then they either aren’t finished emotionally processing their baggage, or they are a resentful and bitter person who engages in trash talking former flames.

Either way, watch out.

2.They Don’t Seem To Be Proud Of You

Whether they hesitate to introduce you to their friends, they hide you from their family, or they are reluctant to have any proof of you on their social media feed, these types of behaviours all speak to a lack of pride in being with you. Or maybe they are ashamed of their friends or family, another possible red flag.

Every relationship that I’ve ever been in where I was head over heels over my partner I couldn’t stop talking about my partner. They were the greatest thing to happen to me in recent memory and I wanted to show them off to everyone.

Sure your partner might be a little bit slow to warm up, but if it feels like they’re a little ashamed of you then that might be a red flag.

3. They Keep Score

One of the fastest and most efficient ways to grow resentful of your partner is to keep score in your relationship.

If you live with the mindset of “Well I took out the garbage/did the dishes/initiated sex last time, so it’s their turn today” then you are doomed to suffocate the life out of your partnership.

Don’t do this, and don’t tolerate your partner doing it to you.

When both of you are coming from the place of “I do things for you because I love you and I want you to feel appreciated” then your relationship will flourish.

4. They Use Sex As A Tool

Sexual intimacy is a mutually beneficial act that makes both parties feel loved.

If they ever use sex (either as a reward, or withholding it as a punishment) as a tool to get what they want then you can be sure this is a massive red flag. This behaviour is manipulation pure and simple.

“If you make dinner we can have sex tonight…” RED FLAG!

If they use it as a bargaining chip under the assumption that it doesn’t benefit them just as much as it benefits you, then maybe you need to have a conversation about what would make it more fulfilling for them. Or you know, just end the relationship.

6. They Can’t Apologize

In any relationship, it’s inevitable that you are both going to mess up and need to apologize.

If your partner is unable to apologize for any wrongdoings then you might need to re-evaluate your relationship.

An inability to apologize hints at a too tender ego, and you can read more about apologizing properly